You Derserve a Better Father
by BTR girly girl
Summary: Logan's watching his baby daughter when something goes wrong! Can he forgive himself or will he harm himself?
1. Good bye Camille

**Hey guys, I got a new story for you to read hope you enjoy it. I don't own anything.**

**U guys better enjoy it this was hard! JK…**

You Deserve a Better Father

''Well, have a good time'' Logan said holding Lily Rose.

Camille put her pearl necklace around her neck. "Logan, remember her medicine for her sore throat, it's on the right top shelf in the kitchen.'' ''Please don't forget to give it to her it's very important.'' Camille smiled at Lily Rose ''Bye baby girl" she said as she kissed her on the head.

"How long do you think you will be gone honey "Logan asked, looking at Camille. She was wearing a black short dress, high heels and pearls, beautiful as always. Her dark brown wavy hair pulled to one side of her beautiful face.

''Uh around 10:00 or later I'm not quite sure" she said putting on some more lipstick.

Logan watched her do so. "Well not any later or I will worry about you" he said shifting Lily Rose to his other hip.

"Why would you worry" Camille asked turning her head to look at him.

''Because I worry about you I don't know?'' Just call me if you're going to be late okay.'' Logan told her.

Camille turned back to the mirror, finishing her make up.

''Did you hear me Camille'

' Camille turned around again ''what I didn't hear sorry baby?"

"Call me if your late Camille, hear me now." Logan asked angrily, a little though.

''Yeah yeah yeah, I hear you" Camille said as she walked into the kitchen.

''Camille, I am not playing with you, you call me if your late or I will call you, understand, and you will answer that phone" he said with a frown on his dimpled face.

Camille turned face to face with Logan and rolled her eyes. Lily rose giggled and playfully pulled her daddy's hair. Camille smiled at her, ''Logan your a worry baby, I'll be fine okay'' she said, ruffling his hair.

''Okay you guys enough'' he said, pushing her hand off his hair. '' hey, what do you think you are doing are doing to Daddy.'' Lily Rose giggled and grabbed another handful of hair. ''owwww'' Logan yelled.

Camille stood there with her hands on her hips, enjoying what was going on. ''Remember when James comes over you have to keep an eye on her.''

Logan stared at her, ''so, you think I'm going to forget about her and let something happen to her'', he asked looking at her with a weird expression.

Camille looked at him and smiled ''you know how you are when the guys around. You get a little crazy.''

Logan put his free hand into his pocket ''Yeah, but it's just James and he rented some video games. 'Carlos and Kendall were going to see that new movie Transformers. James and I are going tomorrow night to see it, and it will be your turn to watch Lily Rose'' he said jokingly.

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><p>Camille stuck her tongue out at him. ''Jo's going to be here in about 5 minutes, and when is James going to be here.''<p>

Logan walked over to the table and picked up Lily Rose's pacifier. "He said 7:00 he should have been here about 15 minutes ago.'' He said looking at the clock.

Just then the doorbell rang, 'that's Jo'' Camille said walking to the front door.

''No its not'' Logan said running to the door and standing in front of it ''it's not Jo it is James, right, Lily Rose say its James to Mommy'', Logan said to her looking down at her. Lily rose stared at him and kept a straight face Jo she tied saying.'' Uhhh babies they do what you them to'' Logan said disappointedly but he was still smiling. Logan opened the door,

''Hey buddy'' James walked in ''uggg'' James stopped dead in his tracks and his mouth flew open as he stared at Camille.

"Dude" Logan said punching him on the shoulder playfully.

James flipped his hair over ''hey there baby'' he said raising his eyebrow.

Logan stared at him in disbelief, ''Dude I cannot believe you'' he said, shaking his head.

Camille smiled at James and moved next to Logan and kissed him on the cheek ''bye hon" she said.

James flew his hands in the air ''darn it, kiss me too'' he yelled. '

'Well now I know I have to watch James around you'' he said giving Camille a big hug. Logan put Lily rose down on the floor and she crawled over to James. "Well I didn't mean you but I will give you a little kiss too". He told as the little baby girl as he lifted her into the air and kissed her on the nose.

Just then Jo walked in ''Hi Camille ready to go'', she asked.

Camille grabbed Logan's hand "in a minute", she said as she pulled Logan into the kitchen. ''Here's her medicine right here, give to her about 8:00 okay.''

''Okay, Camille Logan said smiling at her ''bye babe'' he said as he gave her a big hug.

''Watch her alright.'' Camille said as she hugged back.

Logan released her from his hug and looked at her ''I will don't worry.''

"Well I got to go now'' Camille said. ''You got her bottle"

''yeah'' he said picking it up off the counter and putting it back down.

''Camille'' Jo yelled ''were going to be late if we don't leave now.

''Okay'' Camille yelled back as she walked to the front door.

"Aren't you forgetting someone?'' Logan asked.

Logan carried Lily Rose over and Camille kissed her ''bye baby girl, be good for daddy'' she said fixing her headband.

''She will'' Logan said looking at her ''won't you.'' He said in baby talk. The baby girl waved back to her mommy.

"Don't forget to call me!'' Logan yelled as Camille walked down the hall with Jo.

Logan shut the door and walked over to the couch where James was sitting.

**Horrible I know, I am not good at my grammar! This is terrible but its only the first chapter so it should get better hopefully. Please review! Pretty please I love all of my readers every one of u!**


	2. Baby trouble

**Hey guys it's me again with another chapter. And to all those who read my last chapter and reviewed it thanks so much. You guys are so awesome! Well I hope you enjoy!**

_You Deserve a Better Father_

Logan sank back into the couch after he put Lily Rose down to play with her toys. "What video games did you rent" he asked James.

James told him and handed him a controller. Logan took the controller wondering if he should or should not.

''I don't know" he told James hesitantly.

"What?'' James asked with a confused look.

"If i start playing video games, I might get distracted and forget about lily rose''. Logan said watching her on the floor. She was playing with her baby doll looking very content.

''Look at her, she looks happy to me" James said watching her also.

"You don't know how we get when we play do you?'' Logan asked him. James stared at him for a good couple minutes, as he squint his eyes.

"Oh yeah" he said finally, and then he shook his "no".

"What don't you understand" Logan asked him. "When we play video games we get absorbed, whatever" Logan sighed and leaned back into the sofa. ''Okay for a little while we could play, I guess." He picked the controller off the coffee table, and began to play.

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><p>Thirty minutes later, Logan looked at the time ''whoa it's time to give Lily Rose her Medicine'' he said as James kept on playing<p>

"what for" he asked without looking up at Logan.

''Uh remember when Lily Rose got that throat infection last week".

''Yeah'' James said still playing. '

'Well she still needs to take this medicine so it doesn't come back.'' Logan got up and walked over to Lily Rose. "Hey there big girl" he kneeled down and picked up her doll "what's her name" he asked her. Lily rose giggled and snatched it out of his hands; she stared up at her daddy's face with her big brown eyes. Logan smiled at her "guess what, it's time to take your medicine now, Cutie Pie."

James put down his controller and watched Logan play with his daughter. ''Hey Logan'', "how old is she."

Logan looked over at James "she's uh, I think 7 months" "Camille knows, ask her" he replied.

"But she can't walk yet" James said.

"I know she's a late bloomer I guess" Logan shrugged. "You ready for your medicine" he picked her up and put her on his hip and carried her into the kitchen.

James laughed and followed him "dude you're just like a mom" he laughed.

"Shut up bro" Logan said as he threw a wet dishtowel at James's face.

"Okay, I take it back" he yelled as he picked the dishtowel off himself.

Logan got the medicine out "okay baby girl ready?'' he gave her the medicine. Lily Rose lipped her lips and grabbed for the medicine bottle. "No you can't have this" he told her as he put it down on the counter.

"Come on Logan, let's go finish our game. I'm going to beat you this time" James shouted as he ran to the couch. "Wait" he said. "We need some Chips and Soda" he said as he jumped off the sofa and ran into the kitchen.

Logan settled Lily Rose down with her toys again "bedtime is at 8:30" he told her.

James ran back in the family room with a bag of chips, soda, cookies, popcorn. "Dude do you really need all of that" Logan said with his mouth the shape of an O.

"What" James stopped walking." You mean all this" he said pointing at all the junk food in his arms.

"Yes" Logan said nodding his head slowly. James glared at him "we are never going to have this discussion again understand" James warned, as he sat down on the sofa and opened the chip bag. The two boys started to play their video games and quickly got very absorbed.

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><p>Eating chips and popcorn the room got very messy in a short period. ''Hey what's that noise" Logan asked while looking around the room.<p>

James heard it too and ran to the window "Darn it's raining" he yelled.

Finally Logan sat up "hey where's Lily Rose" he said. His brown worried eyes, scanning every inch of the darkish room.

James put the game on pause and sat up "I don't know, she was right there an hour ago."

"What" Logan screeched, he frowned and got up and looked around the room not finding her. So ran into the bathroom searching for her there, since the bathroom was her favorite room. She liked to play with water a lot. Well, toys floating on water amazed her just like any other curious child.

He came back "James I can't find her" he said with a frightened look. "I looked in her room she is there either" he winced.

James quickly got up and began to look for her also.

Logan was getting very worried, now especially since he was the father. "Lily" he yelled. James searched around the room just as nervous as Logan.

"Ahhhhhhh" he heard Logan scream. James stumbled on the toys on the floor "Logan! Are you okay" he yelled out. "What's wrong" he hollered as he ran to the kitchen so nervous his legs could barely hold him. He did know that Logan was a worry cat but he also knew that he did not scream like that unless something was terribly wrong or in he was in pain. "Logan! Did you find her" he yelled again.

Logan's pov-

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><p>The moment I walked in the room I sensed trouble, Lily Rose was lying there on the cold hard kitchen floor. The medicine poured out on the floor near her. And then I remembered leaving the medicine on the counter where she could have reached to get. My hands were getting very sweating. And my heart was pounding very hard. I quickly knelt beside her to wake her up but when she didn't. That's when I realized something was horribly wrong. I screamed out loud. Oh no I thought to myself she overdosed herself. My heart racing now and I got all dizzy. I heard James calling me I didn't answer. James ran into the kitchen and stopped dead in his tracks. There he saw the innocent baby girl lying there on the bare cold hard floor. The sweet pink prescribed, medicine surrounding her little body. Medicine on her mouth and chin and stained on her new pink sleepers. My Cheeks were wet with tears. James stood there trying to make all of this out.<p>

What happened' he asked his voice very quaky.

"She got into the medicine and overdosed herself I think." I said as I picked her off the cold barren floor. "Lily Rose, wake up baby, it's me, Daddy.'' Then it dawned on me Daddy was the whole reason this ever happened to her. I held her to my chest and stroked her little brown curls and the pink bow fell out of her hair. "We got to take her to the emergency room James." I said holding back tears but finally I let them go not caring any more. They fell from my face and landed into the puddle of medicine.

**Thanks for reading, please review, I love to hear what you have to say about my story. I think this chapter is a lot better than the first one. I don't know. I think I did better on the grammar on this chapter. Please enjoy!**


	3. Please let her live

_**Hey, I got a new chapter for you guys! Hope you enjoy!**_

_You Deserve a Better Father_

I grabbed the pink baby blanket lying on the couch and grabbed the car keys. "Come on James" I screamed.

"Logan calm down man" James said as he gently touched my shoulder.

"Get your hands off me" I screamed at him,

He jumped back away from me and quickly ran out the apartment door. He got his phone out "I'm going to call Kendall" he told me.

"No" I screamed as I knocked the darn phone out of his hand. "WE GOT TO THE HOSPITAL NOW" I screamed so loud, that everyone in the whole building could have heard me. But this was not time to care, not time to care for anything.

James picked up his phone and followed me down the hall to the elevator." Why can't I call Kendall" he asked me.

I turned to face him "I have no idea what is going on with this baby" I hollered at him. "I don't want Camille to know till I know what is going on myself and Kendall would tell her."

We ran into the lobby and out into the wet parking lot. The rain coming down hard and giant puddles surrounding the cars. "Ahhhh" I screamed as the rain fell onto the baby I was carrying. I ran to the car as fast as I could to avoid her getting too wet.

"Logan" James yelled at me but I could barely hear him above the rain. "LOGAN, don't run you're going to slip on the wet floor.

"Shut up" I screeched back at him. As I reached the car I felt in both my pockets for my keys. I couldn't find them though. "James do you have the keys" I screeched at him, struggling with Lily Rose in my arms.

"No you had them, I saw you take them" He yelled at me as the rain fell on both our heads. James checked both his pockets "I don't have them either" he yelled.

I checked my back pockets and pulled out the keys. "Here they are." I yelled as I opened the door to the little black car.

"You drive" I told him handing him the keys.

James stared at them in my hands." I don't know, I think you should. He said with a completely horrified look. "No I can't and I won't put Lily Rose down and I can't drive with her in my arms, you have to drive" I told him as I climbed into the passenger side. James got into the driver's seat.

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><p>Five minutes later we got to the emergency room, I was so frightened of what the doctor was going to say about Lily Rose, that I my stomach hurt with the amount of pain possible to human. James and I got out of the car and ran into the emergency room, James sat down in the waiting area and I ran up to the front desk,<p>

hello, the nurse said "what's your problem".

I swallowed hard and began to explain. "My daughter's doctor prescribed her some medicine for her sore throat last week, and after I gave it to this evening and then I got occupied with something and I found her lying on the floor of the kitchen and I'm pretty sure she ate some, she hasn't woken up yet! I said almost yelling at her.

"Okay young man" the nurse said looking at Lily Rose in my arms. "I will have a doctor look at her as fast as I can" she said as she looked through some papers. "And what's your name" she asked me looking up at me."

"Logan Mitchell" I said.

"And the baby's name, she asked.

"Lily Rose Mitchell".

"And how old is she" as she jot down some words probably our names. I licked my lips and looked down at Lily Rose. "7 mouths".

"Okay" she replied. "Are you her father" she asked.

"Yes" I answered.

"Okay, fill out these papers and wait for your name to be called."

I turned around to the huge waiting room filled with lots of people, sick and hurt. I even saw a couple of babies but I was pretty sure they weren't here because of their very own father. I walked over to where James was,

"did she wake up yet" he asked, rubbing his eyes. He was so tired he looked like he could fall asleep standing up.

"No" I said as I clung on to my daughter. I don't know why but this whole experience was making me think twice about becoming a doctor, as much as I wanted to be. I was tired and I feared as I was thought of how I was going to explain this to Camille but even more I feared for our daughter. And slowly I drifted off to a deep sleep.

"Logan Mitchell" a nurse called.

"Logan, wake up dude." James shook my shoulder.

"What" I asked as I yawned and closed my eyes once more.

"The nurse is calling you, Logan"

I slowly opened my eyes and thought I was dreaming. Where am I" I thought to myself and I looked around. Then I remembered we were at the emergency room because of Lily Rose. No well because of me. I slowly got up from the chair and exhaled.

The nurse stood by the entrance "hello" she said as I walked in. James followed me inside. The kind nurse led us down the hall to a room way in the back. "Please wait here the doctor will be with you in any moment" she said.

"Okay "James answered for me.

I looked around the room trying to stay on my two feet but this was too intense. I sat down and rubbed my eyes, not once have I put my Sugar Pie down. I would never leave her side, no matter what happened. I loved this baby so much nothing could ever compare.

The door opened and a tall brown haired doctor walked in with a white jacket.

"Hello" he said as he put on his gloves. He put his hand out "I am Doctor Henderson" I shook his hand

"Logan Mitchell." I answered nervously.

"What's wrong here?" He said looking at the baby in my arms.

"My daughter was prescribed some medication for her sore throat by her primary doctor and as I gave her today's dose. A little while later I found her lying on the floor and I know she ate some, she hasn't waken up yet" I said, tears filling my eyes.

Dr. Henderson nodded his head. "Are you a single parent" he asked checking over his paper work.

"No her mother had to go out for the night" I replied.

"Okay let me see this little baby" he said and I handed over my baby to the doctor and put my hands in my pockets they felt cold and bare with her not there. I looked over to James who looked like he was in a very deep thought. I then saw him get his phone out.

I turned back to the doctor. He lay her down and checked her heartbeat.

He looked over at me "is it alright if I take off her pajamas.

I looked down at my feet and looked back at him "yes" giving him permission. He took her pajamas off and then mumbled something unhearable to the nurse standing right next to him. And finally he said "this looks very serious, we will bring her right back, please wait here" he said, handing me her pink sleepers. And they carried her out of the room with only her little diaper on.

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><p>The warm little PJ's were all I had left. I looked down at them, slipping a few tears onto the soft fabric. I couldn't take this anymore, how would I deal with myself if she didn't make it. I wouldn't. My life was shot and the world around me was slowly falling apart. I walked over to the chair near the window and sat down and put my knees up to my chin and wrapped my arms around my legs. Looking out the window the weather was not much happier than I was. The rain came down hard and I saw a lightning streak light up the dark hazy sky. "Dear God please let her live, please let her live! if anything take my life! She doesn't deserve this, She deserves to live and be happy I'm the one to be punished! Please Lord hear me, let her live." I broke down into tears.<p>

I felt James put his hand on my shoulder. "Logan it's alright, everything is going to be alright, okay" I listened to him but nothing could change my state of mind.

I pushed his hand off my shoulder "just leave me alone" I said choking on my tears. I dug my face into my arms and cried my heart out. Not once though did I let the pink sleepers out of my grasp.

**Sorry is this getting to sad for you guys, I'm sorry!**

**Please review! **


	4. Leaving

**Here is another chapter for you guys to enjoy! Please Enjoy! I don't own anything**.

_You Deserve a Better Father _

There was a knock on the door "come in" I yelled trying not to sound weak like I have been crying, though I had been.

The door flew open and Kendall walked in with Carlos lagging in behind him.

"What" I gasped "what are you doing here" I said getting up and walking over to where Kendall was

"where is Lily Rose" he asked me.

I stared at him "why are you here" I asked again. "James called me and told me all about what happened to Lily Rose" he said looking over at James.

I looked at him and glared at him. "You called him when I specifically told you not to."

James stood up "what, I had to this was an emergency" he said frowning and then sitting back down again and crossed his arms.

Carlos leaned on Kendall shoulder "is she okay Logan" he asked with fear in his dark brown eyes.

I wanted to say yes, so really bad but I couldn't. "I don't know" I said sitting down because I was feeling really weak again and was sure I would pass out if I stood up. Carlos and Kendall both stared at me, their hearts aching as much as mine.

"She'll be fine" Kendall said walking over to put his hand on my shoulder to comfort me. "James told us everything that happened, she will make it because she is your daughter and you're strong and so is she. Trust me she will be fine."

I wanted to believe every word he was saying but I somehow knew that something was not right and it could not be alright.

"Where is she anyway" he asked.

I swallowed hard and tried to keep my tears locked in. "The… the doctors took her", I was still holding her pink sleepers although they were partly wet from the tears I shed.

Kendall held his arms out for me to collapse in. "come on Logan" he cooed and I fell in his arms and he stroked my head. I felt his breath run down my neck and onto my back. I stood there in his arms like a hopeless little baby.

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><p>The door few open, i jumped out of Kendall's arms, not wanting to be seen in his arms by a doctor. But it was not a doctor, it was Camille, wait Camille?<p>

"Logan, where is she" she asked walking over to me and staring at me with her dark, worried eyes.

"Uhh, uhhh the doctors have her" I said, too worried to even look at her now. Would she leave me, of course she would I almost killed our baby. I then got courage to look at her ."Kendall told you everything?" I asked breathing very hard now.

"Yes he did, is she going to be okay? She asked.

I looked down at me feet, "I don't know babe" I told her as she fell into my arms and I wrapped my arms around her back, rubbing it. "Are you mad at me" I asked her as I released her and looked down at her. "Because you have every right to be" I said giving her permission to be mad at me.

"No" she told me honestly, as she took my hand in hers and held it.

"NO, how can you not be mad at me, I don't know what is going to happen to your daughter" I said and pulled my hand out of hers, and threw them in my pockets.

Camille put her finger in her month and bit her fingernail and frowned. "She is our daughter" she said confusingly. "Well, I don't deserve to be her father, I almost took her life." I said, tears stinging my eyes making my vision blurry.

"Do you know how many babies go to the emergency rooms because of accidents?" She said.

What she said was true but what she didn't understand this wasn't really an accident because I caused it when I left the medicine bottle in her reach. "I left the medicine on the counter, I was in a hurry to go play video games with James, I did a very foolish thing and now my daughter is in danger with her life." I told her as simply as I could. But this was not a simple matter at all, this was a huge matter. I trudged over to the chair and sat down she came over and sat there on my lap and lay her head on my shoulder.

Dr. Henderson walked in, looked around and frowned, "when I left this room it was half empty and now it is half full" he remarked. "Mr. Mitchell" he said addressing me with sorrow in his eyes,

"Yes" I said sensing something was wrong, well not sensing, knowing. I stood up to the tall doctor, I felt Camille grab my hand and squeeze it tight. She almost squeezed it too much.

"Are you the mother to the baby" he asked Camille, holding his hand out to shake it

"yes".

"I'm Dr. Henderson" he said as they shook hands. "Your daughter, she must have swallowed a lot of medicine because she is still unconscious, and it looks pretty serious, we would like to keep her until she improves or…." his voice drifted off or maybe it didn't but if he did say anything else I certainly did not hear it.

I felt a major stab in my heart.

"She is room 10 if you want to see her, would you like to see her" the heavy- hearted doctor asked.

"Yes please" I answered for all of us.

"Here let me show you the way" he walked out of the room to lead us to where the baby girl lay.

Kendall put his hand on my shoulder "are you okay" he asked rather nervously.

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><p>"Yes" I replied showing no emotions what so ever. Kendall, Carlos and James all looked as nervous as I was. The doctor stopped at room 10 and opened the door. I let go of Camille's hand and ran over to my baby and knelt down beside her. She was lying there with only her diaper on, she had all sort of chords and medical objects around her. I brushed her baby brown curls out of her eyes and curled a curl on my finger. I couldn't take this anymore, I just couldn't. I broke down into tears, tears stained my cheeks. I ran my fingers down her soft cheeks, never had I so badly wanted her to stare at me with those big brown eyes of hers, giggle and playfully pull my hair, which I didn't like but I would not have mined at all, not at all.<p>

Camille walked up beside me and looked down at her, she had tears in eyes, I knew she was trying to be brave and trying not to cry.

"You can let your tears out, Cam, hon" I said choking on my own tears, as she met my eyes I quickly left her. From the corner of the room I saw my three best buddies in the world standing there very solemnly, I knew they would always be there for me, no matter what happened. I slowly put my hand in my pocket and pulled out her little pink bow and put it on her head. I then got up and wiped my eyes with my arm and tried to be brave and stop my girlish crying but every time I looked at her cold bare body lying there and not being sure if she would ever see the light of day again the tears crept in.

Dr. Henderson and a nurse walked in "how are you doing, you okay" he asked as he put his clipboard down on the counter and turned to face us and the unfortunate baby.

"We are okay, I guess" Camille answered for us but she sounded very not positive about it. We were all feeling sad and depressed about it, but I was sure I felt the worst though since I was her father and the whole reason she is here.

Dr. Henderson looked at Lily Rose; I blinked back tears so he wouldn't notice.

Kendall suddenly spoke up, "she will be okay right?" he asked.

The doctor looked down and back at Kendall "I cannot say for sure, I am sorry."

Kendall nodded his head and looked at me "but she will make it right?" I knew he wanted everything to be alright, well everyone did.

Dr. Henderson scratched his head "I am so sorry to say this, but there is probably a greater chance she won't make it, and if she does, I would be very surprised". "I am so sorry, but she has had serious over dosage."

I already knew she might not make it but hearing it from a doctor nearly tore my heart out of my chest, doctors are supposed to be able to help fix people, but I couldn't blame anyone at this moment but me. I was the reason why.

I heard Camille whimper and she saw her cover her face and she wept into her hands. Hands that never probably will ever get to hold the baby that we created together. I kept on hearing what the doctor said in my mind "she probably won't make it and if she does I would be very surprised" The horrid words kept circling my brain, taunting me. My heart started to beat so fast, I seriously thought I would die.

Camille grabbed me and sobbed into my shirt, I could not live with myself anymore, I let go of Camille and leaned over to kiss my baby. I planted a small kiss on her little soft cheek "I love you baby girl" I whispered to her, my tears fell on her cheeks and I slowly wiped them dry. I never felt so lonely and so desperate to hold her.

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><p>I stood up and stared at her through tears, tears streamed down my cheeks and then I grabbed Camille and kissed her softly on her lips. Then, before something could change my mind, I turned around and ran out of the room. Away from the two people I loved with all my heart, soul and mind.<p>

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_**Please review!**_


	5. I am not you friend anymore

**A/N: okay here is chapter 5 I think….. yeah 5 so I hope you enjoy! Sorry for slacking off on this story I had a little writer's block but I think it cleared up. So yeah…. **

**I don't own anything**

Logan ran out onto the wet parking lot of the hospital searching for a way out of the maze of cars that seemed to block him from getting out. Finding a small street he ran down it till he came to a forest of evergreen trees. He was wet and his heart was pounding hard against his chest, he collapsed on the wet ground, breathing heavily. He had worked himself up so badly that it was almost unhealthy. He put his cold hands to his chest and once again realizing the accident that had caused this tragedy. He put his knees up to his chest and wept into them.

Kendall being the friend he was; was certainly not going to let this pass. So he took off after the wrecked heart boy after quickly telling Carlos and James to stay with Camille and the young boy's child. He ran off catching a glimpse of Logan as he ran down the sidewalk away from his pains.

Kendall forced his legs to catch up with him, he felt bad for Logan to have to live with this. All of the people in the world this had to happen to the most sensitive and emotional boy. Why couldn't it have been him? He was better at handling pressure and pain than Logan. Logan was the worst when under pain and pressure. He had always done his best to watch his baby girl. He looked after her and was proud of her that she was his daughter and he loved her to pieces. He remembered how upset Logan was when she had gotten her shots and how she cried and shrieked in pain, he too had tears streaming down his face when he had to hold her down for the doctor as the needle entered her little chubby arm. The worst thing a father could experience was seeing his child in agony.

The wind pushed hard against Kendall's face and rain slightly fell onto of him making him wet, cold and above all worried to death of his friend.

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><p>He spotted Logan sitting by a large evergreen tree sobbing; he stood there for a couple of moments not sure if it was time. He watched the poor teen sob out heart breaking tears. But then anger hit him why was Logan being so selfish? He walked out on his girlfriend and baby daughter when she was danger.<p>

Courage slowly hit him and he quietly walked up to Logan, Logan sat there crying and mumbling to himself.

Kendall knelt down into the moist wet ground and gently put a hand on Logan' trembling shoulder, "Logan are you alright" he whispered lightly not wanting to scare Logan's nerves anymore with abrupt motions.

Logan looked up to see Kendall face, well at least he thought it was Kendall's his vision was so blurry it was nearly impossible to see. Logan whimpered and gently pushed Kendall away. Kendall not feeling very hurt by Logan's quick action; attempted to comfort him once more. "Logan tell me, I care for you" he whispered into his ear.

Logan tried to stand up to escape, but Kendall's strong grip pulled him back down. Logan clenched his teeth and tried to break away. But it was impossible Kendall is a strong boy and he gets even stronger when he is determined to do something.

"Why did you leave Camille and your baby" Kendall whispered angrily, now determined to get the truth out of him if it was the last thing he did. Logan sunk to the ground and covered his face mortified of himself and at the same time experiencing feelings he thought he would never ever feel.

"I-I-I c-c-can't" he whispered through sobs of tears, he had come to a conclusion that if he gave Kendall the satisfaction of an answer then maybe he would leave him alone.

"What do you mean you can't?" Kendall said in a normal tone of voice not even bothering to whisper anymore. "You can't what?"

"I can't because I h-h-hate myself" Logan forced out. He was stuttering on his words and he could barely talk without choking on his own words. It was true though he actually hated himself. Hate was a strong feeling but that is how he felt of himself for letting that happen to his precious angel.

Kendall's jaw dropped, that was the last thing he had been expecting form his mouth. "No, no you don't."

Logan nodded his head, "yes I d-d-d do I hate myself so bad that I wanna kill myself and right now." He said grabbing his head.

Kendall felt like a knife went through his already shattered heart. He grabbed the boy's arms off of his head and wrested him to keep him from self-harming himself. "NO, suicide is never the answer LOGAN. You have to face your problems and pains. And I thought you loved those girls."

"I do, I love them. I hate myself though" he said shuddering. He wrapped his arms around himself.

"I am the worst father that ever lived Kendall" he whined as he sunk back down into despair. "I killed my daughter and now I hate myself." He said. His whole body was trembling in a painful fashion.

Kendall took in the hurtful words that he had received and pushed them into his heart. "No you're not, it was an accident. Damn it Logan" he said not even noticing the words he was using.

"Kendall" Logan moaned in agony. "I killed my daughter." The facts almost killed him but they were so real.

"You didn't kill her. Okay shut up." It was an accident, besides she has a little chance of living still."

Logan listened to him. "But the chance is greater of her dying and all because I am her father; I am the one who was supposed to protect her." Logan jerked out. Had he not tried hard enough? He had it all he stood up and tried to run away but stopped when Kendall leapt up and tackled him to the ground. "Your being ridiculous Logan get your damn butt back to the hospital where it belongs. Kendall sat on top of Logan almost crushing his ribcage.

Logan squirmed and whimpered clutching his fist together. "No she deserved a better father; I was too much of a foolish, naive and careless young boy to become a father I should've known better." He choked on his words and squirmed out of Kendall's weight that was pressured on him. He stood up and Kendall stood up also.

"All I want is for her to live." He whined falling into Kendall's arms. His limp body was heavy but Kendall held him up anyway. Logan's life had been tragic, his father had dumped him and his mother for another man he loved and his mother then left him because she claimed he was the reason his father had left her. Logan then had to live with Kendall's family, the transition was hard for him but he got use to it. After a few months after moving to LA Logan and Camille fell for each other and one night had changed their innocent lives. And here he was thinking suicidal thoughts over an accident that could have happened to anyone. Kendall watched over him like a brother and protected him like a brother and could not have been more joyous for his little bro when he had found out he was having his first child.

"Logan, what you need to do is go back to the hospital with her."

"I can't it's too painful to see Camille hold back pain and tears just so she won't hurt my feelings and I don't want my daughter to die because of me." His body was trembling so bad that Kendall instructed him to sit down.

The darkness was getting darker and the rain came down steadily though they were protected by the canopy of the evergreen trees. Some rain seeped through onto them but not enough to make them soaking wet.

"I can't see them again" he whispered painfully.

"Yes you can. Man up Logan I thought I taught you to be brave and bold." Kendall said pointing out a fact that seemed so far out of reach.

"I hate you Kendall leave me alone, tell Camille I love her but she should find someone better than me and my daughter also if she lives." He said crying over the horrendous words that ejected from his mouth.

Kendall pushed him out of his arms and threw him to the ground; Logan fell to the ground painfully. He lay there on his back with his elbows supporting his body up. He had a hurt expression plastered on his face.

"How dare you, you get to the hospital right now young man" Kendall said talking like a mother to Logan. "Or... or..." he thought looking for what he wanted to say. "Or I'm not your friend anymore." He said backing up slowly to see his reaction and then walked away from his friend.

Logan's stomach churned with pain. He grasped it and tears ran off his cheeks onto the moist floor. He had lost his daughter, his best friend, probably girlfriend and he had lost hope in himself and the worst part was that he wasn't sure if he could ever regain it again.

**A/N: did you enjoy the Logan angst! Haha I did I enjoyed every minute writing it.**

**Thanks for reading! **

**Review? : ) Pwetty pwease! (tweety bird lol) **


	6. Sad Times

**AN: How's everyone been doin? Good I hope right? Ok. I got Elevate the day it came out but now I am listening to "Beautiful Christmas" by BTR for a change. But I love the new album Elevate it's awesome! **

**Covergirl and You're not Alone are beautiful, so is Invisible and Elevate! Love all the songs actually! **

**Ok so moving on, here is Chapter 6! Finally, yes!**

**I don't own anything at all! **

**WARNING: There is some cursing towards end. As much as I hate cursing, I really wanted to use them for Logan's dialogue. Don't kill me! : ( I needed too, you'll see. Just wait! Oh and this is extremely sad! So proceed with caution. Hahaha Kiddin! But still….yeah grab a box of tissues….**

**Oh and Thanks to all of those who reviewed this story so far….THANKS SO MUCH! You guys literally rock my world, You made my life a better thing, Thanks!**

**xxSmileyXd and Ireland Maslow Thanks, you guys reviewed every chapter. Now that's what I call Loyal readers/reviewers! Thanks I love you guys! I wish I could personally hug and thank you to show my gratitude! Thanks! : ) I LOVE YOU! I love all my reviewers though and readers! **

_Logan walked down the barren hall which led down to 2J; he was reluctant but knew he had to do this for the sake of Camille and his child. He trudged into the apartment letting the door slam behind him. He didn't care anymore, nothing mattered anymore really. He noticed his three best friends sitting around the sofa with solemn faces plastered onto their usually optimistic faces. They all glanced his way when he entered but after recognizing who it was they quickly glimpsed away. _

_Logan looked confusingly hopeless as he stood for an explanation of what was going on and why they were all sitting around with sincere expressions. _

"_Kendall, Guys. What's wrong?" his voice strained and his eyes darted frantically at the three boys, who were certainly hiding something from him nonetheless. _

_Kendall eyes moved down to his hands on his lap. He then glanced up to Logan with blank eyes. "Logan," he said softy. He had to tell him, he just wasn't sure how. _

"_What's wrong?" Logan asked with fear rising in his voice. He knew something was wrong. "Where's my baby, guys?" he blurted out suddenly. He had a horrible feeling in his queasy stomach. Something was wrong. _

"_Uhhh…about that. Logan. We have something to tell you." Kendall glanced nervously over at the two boys who were sitting next to him. They both nodded their heads to indicate it was time. _

"_Where's my baby?" Logan repeated impatiently. He was rarely impatient but right now was no time to remain patient. He felt like a restless child who was eagerly impatient for Christmas day except for this was a worried impatience not a happy impatience. _

"_Logan, sit down." Kendall instructed to the younger boy so when he heard the bad news he wouldn't topple over in grief and possibly shock. _

"_Kendall, tell me!" Logan commanded using his dad voice, which he had learned from being a father to his baby girl for seven months. _

"_No," Kendall insisted. "Not till you sit down." He kept a steady stare at Logan showing him who was boss. He had the leader bossy type of personality ever since he was born and it had gotten worse when he realized he was the oldest of the four boys making him seem it was only fair that he would be their leader. _

"_Kendall," Logan warned raising his voice but then after seeing the glare he was receiving from the leader, slowly plodded over to the couch unwillingly. _

"_Tell me now." Logan demanded. He tried to look brave but in reality he was as nervous as a child when he's going to the doctors for the first time after hearing scary and horrifying details form older mean children who have nothing better to do but scare helpless children._

"_Ok…" Kendall hesitated, not actually sure how to break it to him. "Logan, this is gonna be truly hard for you to handle and believe me it's killing me inside that I have to break it to you…" he paused a moment. "But here goes….Logan, Lily Rose didn't make it. I'm incredibly sorry bro." Kendall's eyes were limp and lifeless because just telling his best friend, who he had known for his whole life, was killing him inside and he somehow knew he was going to take it hard._

"_We are all incredibly sorry." James admitted, while Carlos nodded his head in agreement. _

"_What?" Logan asked ready to collapse into tears and have a major breakdown._

"_She didn't make it. Logan buddy." James said again. Kendall and Carlos nodded their heads meekly. _

"_No…She did. She made it. Where is she?" Logan screamed at the top of his lungs. He hated them why were they teasing him? Did they think this was funny and amusing? Well, it wasn't. _

"_Logan. Man, calm down and relax. Listen to us, it's true but we will help you every step of the way. We are here for you." Kendall reassured. _

"_Shut up! SHUT UP YOU GUYS! She didn't die Kendall! Just shut up your fucking mouth. Ok. Keep it shut and don't talk about my baby" Logan shot back at Kendall with his cheeks flaming up in anger. "LAIRS!" He shrieked nearly blowing their eardrums out while doing so. "Dammit" Logan spat out, shocking the three boys. They sat there terrified was this the real Logan? He never cursed even in the worse situation. _

"_Logan, we are not lying." Kendall said, his voice cracking in the process. He hated the fact that Logan did not believe them. Would they ever lie to him of such stuff? _

"_Keep your ugly mouth shut Kendall Donald Knight!" Logan yelled in anger, where was Kendall going to go with this? "My baby is still alive, guys." Logan assured them but deep down he was sure at all. In fact he doubted himself entirely but he couldn't let them know. _

_Carlos received a look from Kendall that told him to tell him so he blurted it out, "Logan, we had her funeral yesterday. You missed it because you ran away. Away from Camille, away from you baby girl and away from your life. We had it yesterday night. I am sorry." Carlos said as he shot a sympathetic look Logan's way. His eyes were filled with pity for the loss of the boy. He didn't know exactly how he felt but he could imagine the pain he was having over the loss of his baby he loved dearly. _

_Logan sat there in utter disbelief, his eyes were listless and his skin suddenly went pale. He slowly stood up from the sofa, his knees shaking so badly that it's a wonder that he was able to stand on them without collapsing to the floor. His eyes quickly flooded up with tears and he felt chocked, making it merely impossible to speak even if he wanted to though he didn't. He wanted to fall off the world and die or…maybe be run over by the largest truck in the world, putting his misery aside for ever. _

_Logan sank to the floor slowly and buried his head into his hands, the only place where he could find pure solitude. He was heart wrenched. Warm salty tears flowed out of his brown delicate eyes like a waterfall. He grasped his heart painfully as he remembered the precious baby's face smiling at him. His head was revolving around in circles. He felt his heart rate increase and it steadily increased as he let more heart-breaking tears out sending him into hyperventilation. His was breathing so rapidly that it was quite unhealthy. But why should he care? He didn't._

_Kendall darted up from the sofa to comfort the boy who was curled up on the floor, weeping to himself knowing that his life was over. _

"_Logan" he whispered with concern in his voice, "Logan, it is okay. Trust me. You'll be fine." Kendall stroked the boy's arm, hoping and praying he would trust him. "Logan, she's safe now. She's in God's arms where she will be protected forever now. Logan, please talk to me." Kendall prayed that Logan would mumble something; anything even if it was the meanest thing on earth he would have been pleased. Kendall knew he deserved it, what were they thinking when they held the funeral without the father of the child. Logan loved this child more than anything in the entire world. Then he remembered the reason why Logan wasn't there, it was because he had ran away. Kendall didn't blame him at all though; he would have down the same to be honest. Kendall didn't care if Logan hated him for the rest of eternity as long as he knew that he was responsible for him missing the funeral._

_Logan pushed Kendall's comforting off of him and threw it forcefully to the floor and stood up with shaky knees. "Where's Camille?" he asked in between sobs and gasps for air. He was choking for air._

"_You broke her heart Logan, it's gonna take some amending, I fear." James told him truthfully yet pitifully. _

"_She hasn't stopped crying." Carlos added. _

"_She lost her baby then you. It's more than the strongest person can handle let alone a young girl like Camille? Why did you leave her side and your baby? If you hadn't left maybe things wouldn't have fallen apart. Just maybe. But that's only maybe. Maybe things would have not turned out for the worse only for the better. Logan, think about it. You left them when they needed you most." Kendall said finally; not trying to make him feel worse but to make him understand how important he truly was to his family. That he counted and meant more than he could ever possibly know. Make him realize that he still could fix what he had with Camille. If it wasn't too late, that is. But was it? No one knew. It was a thing only one would know after it had been done but it was likely able to work nonetheless. _

_Logan collapsed back to the floor, it was too much to handle. He wanted to put an end to it but how? He didn't know except for one way out. The easy way, the most taken route by many but the most heart aching for their families, who loved them dearly. He knew that was a possibility but..._

"_Logan, go back to Camille and comfort her, please bro. Do it for her sake." James said. Kendall and Carlos agreeing with him all the way though. _

"_I can't" Logan mumbled incoherently. "I…I...I" He sobbed unable to let out his words. Then the words that Kendall had said came back to him repeating in his brain. "Maybe if you stayed things wouldn't have fallen apart." Was Kendall right? Maybe he was. It didn't matter now though, everything he once had was gone. Everything. "Why...d…d….did you have it w…without m…m…e?" He whispered referring to the funeral of his child._

"_Logan we are sorry. We didn't know you were returning. We are sincerely sorry, forgive us? Please?" Kendall asked. He felt horrible. _

"_I...I h…hate you…g…guys!" Logan screamed. "You guys had my baby's funeral without me? Why are you even my damn friends if you like to piss me off so much? Huh? Tell me." Logan shot out. "DARN YOU GUYS!" "I hate you guys to the extreme"_

"_We…didn't even know you were coming…b…" Kendall hesitated and turned to the other guys. "Let's leave him alone, ok? He's being a pain in the ass right now, right Logan?" Kendall asked him with a disgusted expression covering his features. _

"_You are soo gonna get it Kendall." Logan warned when he suddenly notice out of the corner of his eye, Lily Rose's pink blankie. She loved that thing very much. He suddenly felt tears flow out of his eyes. "Kendall, Guys, you huys are the reason my baby girl died. All because of you." Logan screamed pointing at them. He hated them very much right now. _

"_Us?" Kendall asked covering his chest with his hands. "We are the reason you daughter died? If anything it was you! You killed her. Why are you blaming us for something we weren't even involved in? Why? We are the ones who planned her whole funeral. Us we are the ones." He said pointing at himself and the other two next to him. "Us, not you." _

"_Yeah and I wasn't there. You didn't even freaking wait for me. Idiots!" Logan screamed. _

"_Idiots? You are the idiot. We didn't even know you were coming back for her." Kendall said scowling. He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the unreasonable young teen. _

"_You know what? LEAVE! Get out of this house now!" Logan screeched. He picked a heavy text book off the wooden coffee table and swung it across the room; it slammed into the wooden door and hit the floor with thud. Logan watched it thud to the floor with a satisfied look. He gave Kendall the satisfied look also._

_Kendall gasped. "You…I can't believe you Logan. What's wrong with you?" He said getting off the sofa. _

"_GET OUT!" Logan demanded showing them the door with his hands. "Now!" _

"_Dork. Who's being a big pain in the as…" Kendall started to say when he felt a cold slap on the arm. He swung around to see Logan standing behind him tears swelling up in his brown sad eyes. Logan then slowly walked off to the sofa to sit down. _

_Kendall watched him do so. "Did you slap me on the arm? You know what? Our friendship is over. O-v-e-r" he said spelling out each letter to get the new news into Logan's hard head. "Don't expect me to ever want to be your friend again. Ok. Even, Carlos and James." They both nodded their heads in agreement._

"_Don't care. I don't need you, I have my…my… my pink blankie. I hate you guys." Logan screamed throwing a pillow at them but it missed since they shut the door in time. He then lay down on the couch and cried himself to sleep. One thing he held onto the whole time was the pink blankie that once belonged to his baby daughter who was now in heaven because of him. All because of him, no one else to blame, except him. _

**A.N. Aww darn it, I just killed off a character. A baby character! Oh no….I AM AWFUL! Poor Logie! **

**Sorry guys! : ( I am soo sorry if I could bring her back to life you know I would. Oh wait I can. Hmmm…no I can't. Well I can but…i…don't..want..to… **

**Logan cursing was fun to write but forgive my awful dirty language will you? Thank… **

**Oh and this story has an interesting thing ahead betcha ya didn't notice! Ahaha so…I might update later this week….wait….yeah! **

**Thanks for reading! **

**Review? **

**Thanks again you guys ROCK! Thank you! **


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